


Friend Wanted; Apply Within

by flammable_grimm_pitch



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Boarding School, Chemistry, Crack, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Football | Soccer, Friendship, High School, Hogwarts, Marauders, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Modern Marauders (Harry Potter), Multi, Or Is It?, Unrequited Crush, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:54:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27036781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flammable_grimm_pitch/pseuds/flammable_grimm_pitch
Summary: 7th year football star Sirius Black has a bit of a crush on "hot swot" Remus Lupin, who thinks he's an absolute airhead. If Sirius wants to get to know him, he's going to have to fill out a "Friendship Application".*Cue ridiculousness and fluff.*
Relationships: Remus Lupin & Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I know I have three other fics to update. No, I was not willing to wait.

“I’ve decided that we’re going to be friends, Lupin,” Sirius announced, dropping into the empty chair next to Remus in the library. “What d’you say?”

“Absolutely not,” Remus deadpanned, not even deigning Sirius’ presence worth glancing up from his book. “Go distract someone else.”

“Now, that’s a rather poor attitude to have,” Sirius chastised, cocking his head to one side so as to read the title along the spine of the thick book in Remus’ hands - _Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen_. “Why not?”

“For one, you’re an obnoxious prat,” Remus answered, his eyes shifting back and forth across the page as he read, “And two, we have nothing in common.”

“That’s what you think,” Sirius scoffed, shifting closer to the curly-haired boy beside him. Lupin smelled of mothballs and builder’s tea, like Grandmother Black's ancient manor house. Odd, but not completely off-putting. “How can you know whether or not we have anything in common if you won’t even give me the time of day?”

“It’s half one, which means you’re due to be in study hall instead of here, harassing me.” The hawk-eyed librarian was watching Sirius from across the room, and he knew it wouldn’t be long before she, too, realized that he was skiving off.

“Swot,” Sirius pouted. “Come on, what’ll it take, Remus? Do I need to bring you coffee every day? Carry your books to and from class? Buy you chocolates and flowers?”

“If that’s the sort of things you think friends do, I think you and Potter need to have a chat about your relationship,” Remus advised with a raised eyebrow. “Does he call you ‘darling’ and kiss you goodnight?”

“I—you—that’s not what I meant, and you know it,” Sirius huffed, pulling the strap of his backpack up onto his shoulder and standing up from the table. “You’re a stubborn git, but I’ll figure something out, Lupin. You just wait.”

Before Sirius could stand up, Remus retrieved a sheet of paper from the pocket of his binder, set it on the table, and slid it over towards him, his expression impassive as he watched Sirius inspect it.

“What’s this?” Sirius asked, skimming the document. “Oh, you’ve _got_ to be kidding me. A ‘Friendship Application’?”

“I certainly am not,” Remus sniffed, picking up his book again. “I may not be anywhere near as popular as you, Black, but I take my friendships very seriously. If you really want to be friends, that’s what you have to do.”

“I’m not filling this out,” Sirius told him, point-blank.

“Suit yourself,” Remus shrugged. “It’s no skin off my back.”

“Ridiculous,” Sirius mumbled, stuffing the paper into his own binder. “Enjoy your book, Lupin.”

* * * * *

“Can you believe this?!” Sirius asked, shaking the document Lupin had given him in James’ face. “We’re bloody sixteen years old, Jam, and he’s got me - what, filling out an application to be his friend, like it’s a fucking job or something?”

All James could do was shrug.

“I dunno what to tell you, mate,” he said, adjusting his glasses so as to read the application form. “Lily’s really good friends with him, and she’s never mentioned him being particularly weird or anything. Maybe he’s just fucking with you?”

“Oh, so he’s just got these on hand _in case the opportunity arises?_ ” Sirius scoffed. “Not bloody likely.”

He truly didn’t know what to do. Lupin was fit as hell, and he desperately wanted the boy to like him…but if he was the kind of bloke who made people apply to be his friends, was this really worth the effort, on the off-chance Sirius might get some action?

“Pads, this is hilarious,” James chortled, pointing to a line halfway down the page and reading it aloud. “Please indicate the extent to which you agree or disagree with the following statements. Number one: pineapple belongs on pizza.”

“Ugh, disgusting,” Sirius answered, grabbing the biro he kept tucked behind his ear and filling in a bubble in the column labelled ‘strongly disagree’. “What else has he got on here? ‘Cats are better than dogs’ - like hell they are!” And along he went, answering each of the 10 statements listed.

“Might as well do the whole thing,” James suggested, failing to hide his amusement. “There are even a few short answer questions. I’m sure you’ll do well on those. Might even convince Lupin you’re worth snogging if you play your cards right.”

“Shut it, Prongs,” Sirius warned, pointing the blunt end of his biro in his friend’s face. “I want to be his friends, not get into his pants.”

“That is a blatant lie, Sirius Black,” James accused, “And you should be ashamed of yourself for thinking you could say it convincingly to me of all people.”

“I hate you,” Sirius murmured, going back to the top of the form and filling in the ‘general information’ section. “If that lanky swot was anyone else, I’d have tossed this in the trash immediately, but…”

“Buuuut he’s got “legs for days” and “eyes a man could drown in”, so you’re going to fill the whole thing out?” James teased, quoting phrases he’d heard Sirius say about Remus Lupin a thousand times over the last two years.

“Don’t forget “the most kissable lips”, or “an arse you could bounce a quarter off of,” their friend Peter called out across the room, where he was frantically trying to finish an essay due the following morning.

“Hate you too, Pete,” Sirius replied, making a rude hand gesture in the boy’s direction. He finished the first page of the application, folded it in half, and tucked it away for safekeeping, where it would stay until he and James were back from football practice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Lily are lab partners for the day; she offers him some help on the wooing Remus front.

“Black, you’re drooling,” Lily Evans informed Sirius with amusement as she stirred the concoction heating on the hot plate at their station. They were lab partners, though it was definitely shaping up to be a one-sided partnership. Sirius was too busy gawking at the amber-eyed beauty across the room to be of much assistance.

“Whazzat?” Sirius asked, snapping out of his stupor. He grimaced at the sight of something gross floating at the bottom of the beaker. It reminded him of that kombucha drink James’ mother sometimes fermented on the counter at home. “Sorry, what did you say, Evans?”

“Oh, nothing important,” she replied airily, “Just commenting on how your eyes have been glued to Remus’ face for the better part of an hour, and if you keep staring, they might stick that way.”

Having heard his name, the curly-haired boy seated a few rows up turned in search of its source, only to find Sirius with his forehead resting against the tabletop, and Lily giving him a friendly wave with the tips of her fingers. Remus responded with a raised eyebrow and a crooked grin. Sirius only caught the teen’s profile as he sat back up, so he missed out on the full effect, and was truly devastated by that fact.

“Piss off, Evans,” he grumbled, fiddling absentmindedly with the dial that changed the hot plate’s temperature. Lily gently pulled his hand away, not wanting him to be the cause of a ruined lab report.

“So you fancy him, then, do you?” Lily inquired, her curiosity piqued. “He’s a very good person, Black, so don’t get any ideas about corrupting him, or distracting him from his studies. He’s a hard worker, unlike you.”

“Uh, have you _seen_ the guy?” Sirius blurted out, incensed. “As if Remus Lupin would even give me the time of day. More like he just frowns at me with that adorably pouty mouth of his.”

“He’s shy,” Lily defended, scribbling down an observation about the colour of the liquid in the beaker they were heating, or something like that. Sirius wasn’t entirely sure, because he had gone back to staring at the back of Lupin’s head. “Not everyone has to be mouthy and outgoing like you. I think it’s refreshing to have a friend that listens more than they talk.”

“I like that about him, too,” Sirius admitted, keeping his voice low. “He’s, erm…well, he’s brilliant, isn’t he? And thoughtful. I read his submissions to the school’s lit mag, and it bloody made my head hurt, it was so good. How is it fair that one person can be gorgeous, get good marks, and be an amazing writer?”

“So it’s not just that he’s fit,” Lily mused, giving Sirius a knowing smirk. He was busy doodling flames or something on the skin of his forearm with her biro, but he heard the suggestive smile in her voice.

“‘Course not,” he snapped. “Who do you take me for, some air-head that only cares about looks? I’ve got a brain, too, Evans. Just not for chemistry. Or maths. Or—”

“Yes, yes, you’re not an idiot,” she interrupted, snatching her biro back to continue her notes. “But you _are_ a chicken. If you fancy him so much, why don’t you just talk to him like a normal person? Find something you’ve both got in common and chat him up.”

Sirius sighed a high-pitched whine at her suggestion. “Lily, I’ve been _trying,_ ” he insisted. “But every time I get within three feet of the guy, my legs get all wobbly, and he looks at me with those eyes of his, and I melt into a puddle of stupidity and say something ridiculous, like ‘I’ve decided we’re going to be friends.’ What kind of numpty says that to someone they’ve got a crush on?!”

“Yep, you’re hopeless,” she declared without an ounce of pity. “Might as well throw in the towel. He’ll never like you. Too bad.”

Sirius swore he saw Remus slip a hand over his mouth to cover up laughter, but he might have just been yawning. It was difficult to tell. Lily certainly wasn’t doing much to keep her voice down, because Professor Slughorn came by a minute later to check on their progress.

“Very good, Miss Evans,” the elderly man encouraged, nodding as he read over her observations so far. When he caught sight of Sirius’ page, which was blank but for some doodles of lunar phases, he gave the teen’s side of the desk a sharp rap with his knuckles.

“Perhaps Mr. Black should take some pointers from you, instead of mooning over fellow classmates,” Slughorn suggested loudly, earning a chorus of giggles from the students sitting around him. Sirius flushed red, but held his head high.

“Lilyyyyyyy…” he moaned in despair as soon as the teacher was out of earshot.

“Oh all right, I suppose I can help you,” she sighed, patting his head like he was a dog (though he _was_ giving her puppy dog eyes, so it wasn’t entirely unwarranted).

“Remus gave me this…he’s asked me to…did you have to fill out an, erm—” Sirius fumbled his words over and over again, not sure how to say it without sounding like an idiot.

“A friendship application?” Lily finished for him. “Of course I did. And I aced it, I’ll have you know.” Her smug grin reminded him so much of James’ it was eerie.

“Evans, you’ve _got_ to help me,” Sirius pleaded, folding his hands together and shaking them at her effusively. “Please, I’ll do anything. Tell me what to write so that Remus will be my friend.”

“Just be yourself, silly,” Lily huffed, rolling her eyes. “He doesn’t want you to write a bunch of rubbish just because you think it’s what he wants to hear. He’s…well, like I said, he’s quite shy, and so the application thing - while it may seem a little odd at first - is really just so that he can get to know a bit about you so it’ll be less awkward when you talk the first few times.”

“But the real me is _terrible,_ ” Sirius whinged. “If I tell him about my messed-up family and my shite grades, he’ll not want to get within a country mile of me, Evans.”

“That’s a chance you’ll have to take,” she said with a shrug. “Remus is a good judge of character. If he thinks you’re worth it, he’ll put in the time. Give it a go, Black. As much as I think you’re a prat - and don’t you dare tell him I said this - Remus needs someone that’ll give him attention and affection. He’s lonely, and you just might be the bloke who can bring him out of his shell a bit.”

“I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Evans.”

“Don’t get used to it,” she snorted, turning her attention to the phone in her hand as she spoke. It looked as though she was answering a text. “I still think you and Potter are the worst pair of prats I’ve ever had the misfortune of knowing.”

“Aww, so you _do_ think about Jamie,” Sirius cooed. “One day you’ll fall for him. You just wait.”

“I changed my mind,” Lily announced, turning towards him. “I’ll tell you what to write on your application. Say you hate animals and you think pineapple on pizza is a gift from God.”

“So _don’t_ write either of those things,” Sirius nodded, pretending to write notes on the palm of his hand. “Got it. Thanks, Evans. You’re a doll.”

Professor Slughorn announced that they had three minutes before everyone would need to start cleaning up their stations, at which point Sirius decided he would be helpful for the first time that day. He grabbed the glass vials Lily had finished with and took them to the sink to rinse them out, carefully following the instructions listed on the wall about chemical disposal and proper dilution of concentrated compounds.

“Look at you, being a decent lab partner for the last five minutes of class,” came Remus’ taunting voice at Sirius’ shoulder. The taller boy gently tweaked the pencil Sirius had stuck through his bun, which he had never done before. Sirius couldn’t remember Remus _ever_ talking to him on purpose, or touching him for any reason.

“Well, you know,” Sirius shrugged nonchalantly, “I figured Lily deserved a break after all the hard work she’s been doing.”

“She’s also more likely to give you the answers she’s written down if you help out a bit,” Remus said conspiratorially. “But don’t tell her I’ve said so.”

Was Remus being...nice? Or trying, at least? Sirius was shocked. Not even a week ago, Remus had practically bitten his head off and called him an idiot.

“I’m halfway through that application, you know,” Sirius blurted out, much to his own surprise. He had told himself he wasn’t going to bring it up, but that clearly hadn’t worked.

“Oh?” Remus said, feigning disinterest. “That’s nice.”

“You’re going to be very pleased with it, I think,” the shorter teen told him with a haughty sniff. “The best one you’ve seen yet, I reckon.”

“You think so, do you?”

“I do.”

“Alright, boys, enough flirting,” Marlene McKinnon chastised as she pushed between the pair to get at the sink. “Class is over, so take it somewhere else if you’re going to keep at it.”

“We weren’t—” Sirius argued.

“This isn’t—” Remus protested.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night,” Marlene said, shaking her head. “Just do it somewhere other than right where everyone else needs to be to clean up, will you?”

The two teens avoided meeting each others’ eyes, instead staring at their feet as they waited for their blushing to die down.

“Anyway,” Remus mumbled, giving one of his curls an awkward tug.

“Right,” Sirius said quickly, edging back towards his desk. “See you later, I suppose.”

“If you must.” And with that, Remus was gone, and Sirius was more confused than ever. Had they actually been flirting, or was Remus just taking the piss? A few days ago, he’d hardly been willing to even speak in Sirius’ direction. What had changed?

“I put in a good word for you, Black,” Lily informed Sirius when he returned to their station to pack up his bag. “Don’t screw this up, alright?” She winked at him before heading for the door, and he watched her go, mouth agape.


End file.
